After Real Housewives fans found empowerment in her story, the now mom-of-two, 45, goes deeper to share more.
If you know, you know: One of the toughest parts of fertility treatment is navigating who in your world will get it. “Emotional” doesn’t even begin to describe the way it can feel to need help to have a baby. Comments from others, no matter how well-meaning, so often just don’t land and can amplify the sense of isolation. Trying to stay hopeful without knowing when, or whether, the happy outcome will arrive is a warrior’s journey.
Real Housewives of New York‘s Jessel Taank knows from experience that while it’s tough to talk about, there’s wisdom to be shared between women. “There’s a lot of stigma around infertility, especially in South Asian communities,” she says—though, no matter what background you or your partner come from, you might relate.
In partnership with Ferring Pharmaceuticals’ Fertility Out Loud resources hub, Taank, 45—now a mom of two—spoke with The Healthy by Reader’s Digest to share the deeper truths of her IVF journey, including parts she hasn’t discussed before. Her story offers an unfiltered look at the mental load of fertility struggles and how she found clarity in a time of uncertainty.
The Healthy by Reader’s Digest: Are fertility treatments something you went through in the past, or something you’re navigating now?
Jessel Taank: IVF is something I went through in the past. It was a five-year journey that consisted of five rounds of treatment. For a long time, I kept it private. I didn’t even tell my family at first. After three failed cycles and no clear explanation, I felt completely alone. Looking back, I wish I’d had access to more support and information in those early years. That’s part of why I’ve partnered with Fertility Out Loud—to help people feel less isolated at the start of their journey and to share resources I didn’t know existed when I began mine.
The Healthy: What was your diagnosis or circumstance that led you to pursue IVF, and what has made you so willing to open up about your experience?
Jessel Taank: There wasn’t a clear diagnosis early on, which made everything harder. Eventually, I started doing my own research and pushed for additional testing. That’s when we found a genetic issue through a karyotype test. Once we had that information, we were able to adjust the protocol. I eventually had a successful transfer and welcomed my sons, Kai and Rio.
There’s a lot of stigma around infertility, especially in South Asian communities. From sharing my story on Real Housewives of New York I saw the power in speaking out and how staying silent only reinforces that stigma.
The Healthy: How did you know when you’d found the right doctor for you?
Jessel Taank: I worked with a few different doctors throughout my journey. Over time, I realized I wanted someone who looked at my full history and took a more personalized approach. What stood out to me was finding a doctor who integrated traditional treatment with discussions about nutrition and lifestyle. That made me feel seen and supported in a way that helped me move forward with more clarity and confidence.
The Healthy: Are there any phrases or reactions you’ve experienced that you wish people would understand are not helpful?
Jessel Taank: It was hard trying to explain IVF to people who hadn’t been through it. I would spend time trying to educate friends, and it just became frustrating. There’s a lot people don’t understand about what the process actually entails, and that can add to how isolating it already feels.
For me, infertility wasn’t something that was openly talked about, and I didn’t know how to even start that conversation. I chose to go through it in silence because I was afraid of what people would say. That added a layer of stress and made it even harder to ask for support.
The Healthy: What are some practices you put in place to increase the chance of a happy outcome?
Jessel Taank: After a few failed cycles, I stepped back and started working with a functional medicine doctor. That gave me a chance to learn more about how I could support my body beyond medical treatment. As I mentioned, I also became more proactive—doing research, asking questions, and pushing for testing that hadn’t been offered initially. Taking that role in my own care helped me feel more grounded and informed throughout the process.
The Healthy: What is one self-care habit you refuse to skip?
Jessel Taank: Water. It became a non-negotiable during IVF, and it’s still something I prioritize. I started spacing it out throughout the day and made it part of my routine. It may sound simple, but it gave me something to focus on and helped me feel more in tune with my body during a time when so much felt out of my control.
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