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10 Funny Medical Acronyms—Decoded

These crude acronyms aren't used much, but an unflattering comment may occasionally slip out during a particularly frustrating healthcare situation.

Calendar marked with the note of a doctor appointmentSimone van den Berg/Shutterstock

D.I.N.K.

If you skip your visit with Dr. Smith to stand in line for a concert, you’re a D.I.N.K: a patient who Did Not Keep his appointment.

Handsome and attractive male dentist looking at dental x-ray together with his beautiful senior woman patient.DuxX/Shutterstock

P.I.T.A.

Oh, you already know your diagnosis because you searched one of your symptoms online? And you won’t let me the doc get in a word otherwise? Congratulations! You’re a P.I.T.A.: Pain In The Ass. Here are some less blunt (and much more important) medical abbreviations you should definitely know.

Pediatrician Meeting With Mother And Child In Exam RoomMonkey Business Images/Shutterstock

F.L.K.

No doctor would admit this to your face, but they may secretly think you have a F.L.K.: Funny-Looking Kid.

David Tadevosian/Shutterstock

F.A.B.I.A.N.S.

Felt Awful But I’m All right Now Syndrome is a common health condition experienced by people who find it difficult to distinguish between symptoms and just being a human. Check out these 35 medical words you always mispronounce.

Doctor In Consultation With Depressed Male PatientMonkey Business Images/Shutterstock

P.M.S.

Ah, the Poor Miserable Soul, the patient who won’t stop complaining enough to hear her doctor’s recommendations.

aged and worn vintage photo of neon emergency sign on brick hospital sign J.D.S/Shutterstock

G.O.M.E.R.

Are you a family member? No? Then Get Out of My Emergency Room!

Middle-aged Asian doctor measuring blood pressure of smiling senior woman and taking necessary notes in medical recordDragon Images/Shutterstock

D & D

If a middle-age female visits her doctor weekly for male attention, she’s likely D&D: Divorced & Desperate.

Hospitalized man lying in bed while doctor checking his pulse. Female physician examining male patient in hospital room.Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

H.I.B.G.I.A.

Had It Before, Got It Again, otherwise known as a bad case of the repeats. Find out more ridiculous lingo that doctors use behind your back.

man with overweight. symbolic photo for beer belly, unsuccessful dieting and eating the wrong foods. Weight loss concept. Tight shirt.Sharomka/Shutterstock

H.O.N.D.A.

Hypertensive Obese Non-compliant Diabetic Adult is definitely not part of your doctor’s regular (spoken) vocabulary.

Portrait of smiling home caregiver and senior woman walking together through a corridor. Healthcare worker taking care of elderly woman.Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

L.O.L.I.N.A.D.

If doctors say there’s a L.O.L.I.N.A.D. in the office, they’re talking about the sweet Little Old Lady in No Apparent Distress. When it comes to medical jargon, you could endanger your health if you don’t know these medical words you assume are interchangeable but aren’t.

Originally Published in Reader's Digest