Feel like something is lacking in the bedroom? Spontaneity? Variety? Passion? How about some good old data? Yep, that’s right. Apparently, when having sex with a person with a penis, knowing the average velocity of thrusts can improve the overall experience.
At least that’s according to the manufacturers of the i.Con, “the world’s first smart condom,” designed to bring a whole heap of sexy, sexy data into the bedroom.
Let’s hand it over to the British Condoms website for a moment: “Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse? How many thrusts? Speed of your thrusts? The duration of your sessions? Frequency? How many different positions you use in the period of a week, month, or year? Ever wondered how you stack up to other people from around the world?”
If you’re not able to answer these questions, don’t panic. The i.Con is here to help. Or at least it will be in 2020, when it becomes available to buy, retailing at £59.99 (about $74 USD).
Essentially, the i.Con is like any other wearable fitness device—albeit one you wouldn’t show off to your grandparents. However, if you do want to share any of your data, you can do that with carefully chosen friends, or the entire i.Con-wearing world, if you so wish. Different variables during sex can be measured, including calories burned, the speed and average velocity of thrusts, the total number of thrusts, girth (yes, it’s the modern-day equivalent of the measuring tape under the duvet), average skin temperature, different positions used per week, month and year, and the frequency and total duration of sex sessions. The data is transmitted via Bluetooth to the i.Con app, where you can view and share your performance results to your heart’s content.
The i.Con can be adjusted to accommodate different girths, takes around an hour to charge and lasts for up to eight hours of “live” action. Depending on how often you have sex, it could last several weeks or even months between charges.
One thing the i.Con cannot do, however, is the main job of a regular condom. “The world’s first smart condom” is actually a ring, designed to sit over the base of an actual condom. So while the i.Con may indeed be “extremely comfortable, water-resistant, and lightweight,” as the ad promises, it won’t do anything to prevent pregnancy or protect against STIs.
For people who want to keep an eye (or boast about) their sexual prowess, the i.Con could be the perfect new toy. The same goes for gadget fans who have to get their hands on the latest tech, whatever it is. The less data-driven lovers out there may want to stick to enjoying those thrusts, rather than counting them.